Jump to content
  • Do You Have a Moment to Talk About Britney Spears?


    Skinny Legend

    tumblr_lxv2tycZDG1qi4dl1o1_500.jpg

    Excuse me, sir/madam, but do you have a minute to talk about the one true Lord and Saviour, the daughter of Pop Gods Michael Jackson and Madonna and the divine harborer of the Holy Spearit?

    You see, over the past few months our one true god has undergone a resurrection to make her presence plain on this earthly realm in which we live. We use the word "resurrection" loosely - for while she had never truly forsaken us, she had departed us for some time, lost in the heavenly slumber between life and death. Her earthly body remained here, lending its voice to some true bops and its muscles to several lacklustre music videos and live performances; but her soul was somewhere else, travelling the universe on a divine journey for ultimate truth.

    The name of this god who has graced us once again with her divinity?

    It's Britney, bitch.

    The younger among you may not have experienced our religion at its prime, for it has fallen since its creation in 1998 after the first of nine gospels, known as ...Baby One More Time, was first discovered. But at its peak, our religion had over 30 million devoted followers dedicated to worship, a far-spreading reach that hit music, television shows, movies and fragrances, and a public that saw our saviour for who she really was - a virginal saint.

    The world has changed since then, and the Holy Spearit has grown, matured and evolved with it. Her first true experience with the devil came in 2007, when she bit the apple of temptation and showed the world that even gods have feelings. In her darkest hour, it seemed like our great god above might never pull through; until she shaved her head in sacrifice, and invoked the magical ruin of lore, the umbrella, in order to defeat her satanic enemies.

    Britney Christ may have won the battle, but the scars continued to haunt her. Our lord was weary from our battle, and taking restorative potions and drugs to get her through the day. While she responded to the prayers sent her way, it seemed as though she was simply regurgitating information from one of her past gospels than preaching any new scriptures. Even when she tells us that "love makes miracles", the waver in her voice and not-so-subtle eye roll tells us that our one true lord is not practicing what she preaches.

     

    Now, compare that with this conversation from earlier this year. As Britney herself says, "it's all about the contrast". No longer a vengeful god, the Holy Spearit has returned to gratify her followers with warmth and kindness, even ascending one of her most devoted practitioners to her place in heaven - if only for a short while until he comes back down to earth.

    Her sermons, too, have become more and more involved. Recall this performance from a few years ago, where our lord diminished herself in order to perform as the special guest of a false idol. She walked around the altar uninspired in her stilettos and barely even mustered the few hair flips that were expected of her. It was clear that the divine being was still in pain.

    But now, our lord struts around the altar with a purpose, disseminating her gospel with the passion and joy she exhibited almost two decades ago when she was first crowned as divine. Not only are her movements perfectly suited to that of a goddess, but her skin glows with the radiance of the godly flame that burns inside her once again.

    As has always been true, there will be non-believers who refuse the teachings and dedicate themselves to a life of sin and treachery - some refer to them as "Xtincta stans". But Britney's ever-expanding power is making it harder and harder for those Satan-worshipers to defy her. No one knows exactly what has triggered this resurrection or why the spark inside our lord has been missing for her past two gospels, many of which were re-written by her prophet Myah Marie. But if she keeps this up, our lord will be back in the minds, hearts, and CD players of the entire world in no time.

    Tell us, followers, when did you first learn of the Holy Spearit's resurrection? Has it surprised you to learn of her divine powers, or have you always known that deep down the lord was ready for her place, waiting to resurface? Share your thoughts with your fellow clergy members in the Sunday school session below.



    User Feedback

    Recommended Comments

    It's a surprise I didn't write this. A+++ I would get rid of the Telethon video since she is not eye rolling she is relieved everything came out ok. Other than that keep up spreading the word of the Lord Godney Spearit.

    • YAAASSS 1

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    4 hours ago, Baby V Alex said:

    It's a surprise I didn't write this. A+++ I would get rid of the Telethon video since she is not eye rolling she is relieved everything came out ok. Other than that keep up spreading the word of the Lord Godney Spearit.

    I thought you would like this! :hail: I just felt like we needed to take a moment to celebrate her. People were so happy to bash her while she was down but no one's giving her credit for doing so well. I'm so proud of her this era. <3 

    • Like 1
    • YAAASSS 2

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    2 hours ago, Countess said:

    I thought you would like this! :hail: I just felt like we needed to take a moment to celebrate her. People were so happy to bash her while she was down but no one's giving her credit for doing so well. I'm so proud of her this era. <3 

    I know!!! I've seen post on Tumblr about it, people are like "This new era of teens don't deserve Britney" even Tyler Oakley was like "I'm glad Britney is a goofy celebrity after all the hell the world put her through", thanks Mo <3

    • YAAASSS 2

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites


    Guest
    You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
    Add a comment...

    ×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

      Only 75 emoji are allowed.

    ×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

    ×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

    ×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


    data-matched-content-rows-num="1" data-matched-content-columns-num="6" data-matched-content-ui-type="image_stacked">

  • Similar Content

    • By Skinny Legend
      I'm curious as to what people who were against the #FreeBritney movement are thinking now...  
    • By Skinny Legend
      Britney Spears has been all over the news recently, despite - and perhaps because of - a conspicuous absence in the public eye. Whether it's news of her scrapped shows, talk of her father's illness or the leaking of her unreleased music video for 'Make Me', Britney fans have had a lot to talk about - and without Brit herself around to clear the air, rumours have started running wild and the #FreeBritney hashtag has officially gone viral.
      One particularly interesting story comes from the Britney's Gram podcast, who recently claimed to have been contacted by a lawyer with insider knowledge of Britney's current conservatorship, which apparently reaches as far as forcing her into taking specific drugs and admitting her into a rehab facility against her will. Of course, none of this information has been confirmed by anyone in Britney's team, but Britney's Gram claims to have confirmed their source's legitimacy and his story does seem to add up.
      This particular story begins on January 5th, when Britney announced that she was putting her Domination Vegas residency on hold for the foreseeable future while she put her "full focus and energy on her family". According to a press statement released by Britney's team, Britney's father Jamie had recently suffered from a spontaneous rupture of the colon and was admitted into surgery, staying in hospital for 28 days. While Jamie was apparently home and expected to make a full recovery, Britney had decided to postpone the tour while she cared for him.
      Several months later, on April 3rd, it was reported by TMZ that Britney had checked herself into a mental health facility approximately a week prior, and would spend a total of thirty days inside the facility. According to the outlet, Britney was "distraught" over her father's poor health, and needed to take time out to look after herself. Again, Britney alluded to the news in an Instagram post: a strange move considering that most rehab facilities ban personal mobile phones. 
      Britney's alleged visit to a mental health facility became even more difficult to believe when, four days ago, she was spotted out in Los Angeles getting her hair done. While we didn't originally have any proof to confirm that she was out in public, a recent Instagram story from Hannah Kirkelie can officially confirm it.

      Now, an unnamed source has contacted Britney's Gram to provide the alleged truth behind this story. According to the unnamed source, who until recently worked as a paralegal at a large-scale legal firm dealing with Britney's conservatorship, the public has been lied to since January.
      According to the source, Britney was looking forward to starting the Domination residency in January, but was stopped short by Jamie when he discovered that she had not been taking her regular medication as prescribed. Britney was taken to her regular psychologist who suggested another type of medication; but when she refused this as well, Jamie gave her an ultimatum. Britney was told that she must either take the medication and continue the residency, or cancel the shows and live medication-free. Britney called his bluff, and the show was cancelled, with Jamie allegedly saying "Blame it on my illness".

      Several days later, Britney was spotted (for the last time in months) at an In-N-Out drivethrough with her boyfriend Sam Asghari. According to the source, this was significant as driving for Britney is not allowed and is considered a "no no" by her team. Jamie, allegedly colluding with Britney's manager Larry Rudolph, used this as an impetus to send Britney to a mental health facility, with no timeframe specified for when she'll leave. Britney had no influence in the decision, and allegedly told her father she did not want to go. She has been in the facility since January - several months before her team said she had entered.
      Allegedly, this move was so shocking that a key member of Britney's team resigned as a result of it. Since 2008, Britney's life has been meticulously handled by her conservators: her father Jamie, who makes $150 000 a year in the role, and a lawyer named Andrew Wallet, who apparently made $420 000. Upon learning of Britney's forced entry, Wallet apparently feared disbarment and was confirmed to have resigned as conservator on March 4th, leaving Jamie as the sole person in charge of Britney's mental health.
      What's even more interesting about Wallet's resignation is the fact that Britney herself filed a motion with the court on the same day: the first time she's done so in the eleven years of her conservatorship. Sadly, because the court records are sealed, we have no idea what was in them.

      If true, the story paints an incredibly sad picture for what life must be like as Britney Spears. The idea that Britney is being forced to take drugs against her will is tragic, and the fact that she is taken away from her work and family with forced visits to mental health facilities is even more horrible.
      Still, as someone who's dealt with family members and their mental illnesses before, there is a possibility that this really is all for the best. If Britney truly is totally uncontrollable and manic without her medication, it would make sense that she would be forced by the courts and her carer to take it. Hopefully this is something that will be resolved during the months that Britney has spent at the mental health facility - after all, she should be looked after by trained professionals who will surely know if she requires medication or not.
      Still, there's a lot we don't know about the case. For one thing, we still have no idea what's being kept in the sealed court documents that Britney herself submitted. For another, if Britney has really been locked up against her will for all this time, how did she sneak out to get her hair done? There's also been rumours she's been in the studio with Danja recording music, and snaps of a hand that many assumed to be hers feeding her boyfriend cake on Instagram for his birthday - how did she get to see him if she was trapped away?

      Regardless, the fact that this is quickly becoming a hot news story is only a positive thing. Even if this really is a con that the lawyers, judges and psychologists are all in on, they'll be treading a little more carefully now that the media is watching them more closely.
      Listen to the full episode of the Britney's Gram podcast below, and don't forget to tell us your thoughts in the comments!
    • By Skinny Legend
      Poor Britney seems to be really going through it. Please everyone keep her in your thoughts and let's hope she makes a safe recovery!

About #PopHatesFlops:

Since our start as a blog called #PopHatesFags in 2012, PHF has consistently provided you with the latest pop culture news and hottest new releases. Join us as we analyse everything pop culture, build new friendships, and discuss the latest news and tracks exclusive to #PopHatesFlops!

Member of the Month:

Congratulations to coolaideonfire, our Member of the Month for the month of March! coolaideonfire is one of our longest running active members and has been with us for over five years, making almost 400 posts since they joined us in January of 2014. We've loved every second of having them around and we look forward to another five years together!

×