Kesha Slays

Sending you love  

I’m sorry the issues with your accommodation and being unsettled are impacting upon and complicating your grieving process. Family are rarely easy to handle even at the best of times but they are worth maintaining links to. You don’t mention your Mother in all of this but she (in her role as the matriarch and head of your family) is the one I would advise you remain tightest with and the bond that you focus most on maintaining through all of this.

@Dax Diameter I totally understand what you're getting at, but my mother wasn't important to the situation which is why I never mentioned her. She has all the support in the world, she has me and my siblings, her grandchildren, her 5 siblings (she technically has 7 siblings, but has since lost contact with 2 of them), my dad's side of the family who came down to help with the house, her friends, she's alright for the meantime. My older sister has been a big help with watching her and keeping an eye on her and helping her. I'm so grateful for that. She also helped my mother figure out how to arrange the funeral and everything. Honestly, I'm impressed. 

I disagree with maintaining links to family. I come from a large family who all have their fair share of baggage, drama, addictions, etc. I do love them with my whole heart. But, nobody knows my family like myself. I don't care if someone is blood related to me, if it's time to cut the ties with them, so be it. I'm tired of the lies, pain, and betraying that has been going on for decades. There are some bridges that can't be fixed and some apologies that can't right what's been wronged. 

I appreciate your support and I look forward to overcoming this absolutely tragic heartbreaking loss. Time will tell I guess. I just hope I come out of this stronger than ever before. I really need that right now. 

@Kipper You're right. Words can't even begin to explain what I'm feeling as of lately. Just yesterday, I felt like I was experiencing 50 different emotions all at once and I don't want that to happen again. I really haven't been feeling very loved as of recent. I mean, who kicks family out during a time of crisis? I know I wouldn't even think about doing that (but my brother and his girlfriend did).That really hurt my heart. I love you and Dax, Main Pop Girl, Cypher, plus so many more kind people on this forum. Y'all have really been there for me these past couple months and I highly appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. ❤️❤️❤️

@Main Pop Girl Ain't that the truth! I thought I was just overcoming the loss of my beloved pet, who I adored so much, but I was taken back and knocked to the ground by the very unexpected loss of my father. I need all the love, positivity and strength I can muster up. Idk if I'll see the colors over the rainbow anytime soon, but it's nice to have hope even if everything seems rather hopeless right now. I love you and I appreciate all the kindness you've showed me these past few years! You're iconic inside and out! 

I lost my dad two years ago, I’m not over it and I don’t think I ever will be. I maybe could have phrased that better, it’s more a question of ‘holding it together’ at that point (so soon after), as opposed to actually ‘being okay’.

I did not want to think about or go into it that deeply because even now I fear that in doing so it will only dredge the raw pain of that time period back up.

It’s sometimes difficult to find exactly the right words on occasions of that nature. I just wanted to recognise and express empathy with your predicament at this time (without being brave enough to reflect upon or open back up my own), so I skimmed the surface.

To further complicate matters I had to deal with an attitude from others of “oh, he’s a gay guy.. they are so weak aren’t they? How is he going to cope emotionally with and get through something like this without falling apart”?

There is no point in sugar coating it, you are experiencing and will continue to experience for some time a raw pain quite unlike anything you have ever experienced before!

From time to time down the years, a phrase “The human condition” - would sometimes appear on my radar, it sounded big and fancy but I never ever had any actual clue what it even meant. Having experienced what you are going through in the present - I now know what that phrase means in real terms.

I also lost all pleasure from listening to music at that point and I wasn’t sure that love was something that would ever return. I later learned it’s something that’s not unusual when experiencing grief.