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Nooo, I totally get it. Seriously, I've been there and back and there again, but I do have to say it makes me know how to deal with it all much better.

For now I seem to be ok, I could be posting on here in a few weeks time how bad I have it. Sometimes it just pisses me off, cos I was at lunch with my brother, his girlfriend and my aunt who came down from Bathurst (about a 2 hour drive) and we had lunch and I had to get out of there cos I started to get anxiety, thankfully they all understood and my aunt was lovely she's sort of taken on a "mother" role, since my actual Mum isn't around anymore so it's nice to have her to get advice and to talk too, we talk almost everyday.

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5 hours ago, hounderawr said:

aw I hope you feel better <3 it's all good I know how it is sometimes you just need to totally chill..why is your bp going low? 

My DR has me on all kinds of new meds and one is BP meds, she thought she wrote me a script for 25MG once a day last week, but didn't, and doubled it to 50MG twice a day this week and I just happened to notice when I got home from her office and thought tf? But she said she wanted me to take the new dose regardless and it bottomed out yesterday and I had a panic attack on top of it. I've felt like shit since, and have had a few worse panic attacks since as well. She has me on that, Zoloft 50MG once a day, Buspar 10MG twice a day, and two meds for my GERD/stomach. I've had to go to the ER 3 times over how bad my panic attacks are and everything she has me on takes weeks to get in your system and make a difference, nothing for immediate relief. So with my panic/anxiety disorder, and my BP bouncing everywhere, it's triggering the anxiety worse and making this a living hell rn.

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11 hours ago, eyb0ss said:

My DR has me on all kinds of new meds and one is BP meds, she thought she wrote me a script for 25MG once a day last week, but didn't, and doubled it to 50MG twice a day this week and I just happened to notice when I got home from her office and thought tf? But she said she wanted me to take the new dose regardless and it bottomed out yesterday and I had a panic attack on top of it. I've felt like shit since, and have had a few worse panic attacks since as well. She has me on that, Zoloft 50MG once a day, Buspar 10MG twice a day, and two meds for my GERD/stomach. I've had to go to the ER 3 times over how bad my panic attacks are and everything she has me on takes weeks to get in your system and make a difference, nothing for immediate relief. So with my panic/anxiety disorder, and my BP bouncing everywhere, it's triggering the anxiety worse and making this a living hell rn.

That's upsetting, maybe you should talk to her and say it's dropping too low? Maybe your on too high of a dose? I get the panic attack happening, when I first started taking medications I thought they'd clash with each other, I had a small operation done and I was on strong pain killers for a few days and I was taking Xanax at the time actually and I thought they'd interact and make my heart stop or something of course my Mum reassured me, and then once it kicked in I felt like I was floating so that helped with the whole situation but I do get that! I'm on Zoloft too, I'm on 200mg per day though (It's an insane amount) I'm not sure what a GERD is.

It does take a while did you just start taking Zoloft? I got told it takes about a month when I started taking it and I got super tired when I started it, but I'm fine now it does work though! Shame nothing for immediate relief, but it does lower your blood pressure so maybe thats why as you are already having blood pressure issues?

I'm sorry if you ever need to chat I'm here <3 Sucks you're going through it though, it'll get better I promise.

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I've grown up in an environment where I'm taught mental illness doesn't truly exist, therapy is useless, and anything you have trouble with can be solved by prayer. It's kinda fucked me up all my life, still does. I can't talk to anyone in my family about how I feel or what my opinions are on anything. They believe all I need to do is read the Bible and pray. They just don't get it. I don't truly know what's wrong with me because I don't know what what is supposed to feel like.  Being gay has also fucked me up because my family will never accept me for who I truly am and yet they're the most important thing in my life and I'd bend over backwards to make them happy. It's a struggle unlike anything else. I've trained myself not to cry when I want to because then I have to explain every little detail about my feelings and then I'm promptly told why those feelings are invalid. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts a lot, but I've become...comfortable with them. I guess that's the word. I still think of it all the time, moreso recently even, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did once because I know I'm too much of a puss to actually go through with it. I don't know what the answer is. I'm not in any position to move out currently. I'm just trying to keep myself happy and sane, at least as close as possible.

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I had to do a statement of health for my employers life insurance today and dear god. Explaining what meds I'm on and why for anxiety depression was completely awful. Having to document what dates I've been to therapy or seen a psych. :tragic:

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On 8/30/2017 at 4:56 AM, Bryan said:

I've grown up in an environment where I'm taught mental illness doesn't truly exist, therapy is useless, and anything you have trouble with can be solved by prayer. It's kinda fucked me up all my life, still does. I can't talk to anyone in my family about how I feel or what my opinions are on anything. They believe all I need to do is read the Bible and pray. They just don't get it. I don't truly know what's wrong with me because I don't know what what is supposed to feel like.  Being gay has also fucked me up because my family will never accept me for who I truly am and yet they're the most important thing in my life and I'd bend over backwards to make them happy. It's a struggle unlike anything else. I've trained myself not to cry when I want to because then I have to explain every little detail about my feelings and then I'm promptly told why those feelings are invalid. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts a lot, but I've become...comfortable with them. I guess that's the word. I still think of it all the time, moreso recently even, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did once because I know I'm too much of a puss to actually go through with it. I don't know what the answer is. I'm not in any position to move out currently. I'm just trying to keep myself happy and sane, at least as close as possible.

oh please, i completely disagree. i believe in god but praying is absolute shit when your in the middle of a panic attack, i believe in therapy and medication and anything else that will help. I get your family being the best thing in your life, that's the same for me I never thought they wouldnt accept me for who I was, but I was always nervous to tell them - and after my Mum died actually I didn't want anyone else not to know my "True self" if that makes sense, so I told my brothers and they were totally accepting of me, but I'm going to assume your family is very religious (which I respect, I'm Catholic) and aren't too fond over gay people? Your feelings aren't invalid, they're more valid then anyone else's maybe you just need to blow of some steam and talk to us on here! 

Yeah, I also get the moving out thing. I live alone now, but I once was in that position and everything works out for a reason so don't think you'll be in that position forever maybe you just need to move out (and not leave your family behind) but start your own life without your family but still have them around. I'm here if you need to chat too, send me a Pm if you'd like (or anyone on here!)

On 8/30/2017 at 6:12 AM, Joe said:

I had to do a statement of health for my employers life insurance today and dear god. Explaining what meds I'm on and why for anxiety depression was completely awful. Having to document what dates I've been to therapy or seen a psych. :tragic:

Aw, you poor thing. I can't believe you had to do that, I mean I understand why for insurance purposes but that'd be so hard and difficult. At least you don't have to do it again hopefully?

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I have anxiety, depression, OCD and bipolar disorder.

Used to be really bad but ever since I left school I've started getting a bit better (well not for my depression and OCD but it's better than i've been)

 

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So I thought I'd drop an update on my shit.

About a month or so ago, I saw my psych and told her everything I had been thinking, feeling, or lack of feeling. She upped my antidepressants. The past week and a half, I've been feeling okay. I haven't had any super negative thoughts and I've been content with things. I'm not sleeping as much and being super tired, which is super nice.

Ive been feeling more motivated to do things too. 🙂

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On 8/24/2017 at 8:41 AM, hounderawr said:

Aw, I used to do that actually! I used to get frustrated the same way, now im like yeah I'm not sleeping so I'll grab my laptop or just get out of bed and go play games (get those levels up!)

Yeah, that did it's sorted now my Mum made sure of that she abused them. Yeah, and I'm better for it although sometimes when I get bad panic attacks I'll think like I'll collapse or fit again but I gotta talk myself out of that shit cos I know it won't happen.

Yeah, I was devastated when my mum passed and I essentially was the one to organise her funeral. My brothers helped but I did majority of the work, turned out beautiful but of course I'd give up everything to have her back, miss her so much. I didn't have anxiety or anything while I was fixing my mums funeral or during, it hit me the day after!

I'll have to remind myself to be more like you next time I can't sleep. <3 It's annoying when you have to be up early the next morning but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do! I really don't know what I'd do if my mum passed away tbh, I think I'd have a complete breakdown and I don't know if I'd ever really get over it. I think that's normal in terms of the funeral though, you were probably in shock for a little while but hopefully the ceremony at least gave you some closure. :'(

Also, I just wanted to say I'm so proud to see so many members of the #PHFamily coming together and supporting each other in this thread! :yaskween:

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, I just read all of your posts and it was inspiring to see you guys be so open and brave about your feelings. Y'all really help to make me feel like I'm not alone in this struggle and give me some good coping mechanisms. I love you guys. <3

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8 hours ago, Countess said:

I'll have to remind myself to be more like you next time I can't sleep. <3 It's annoying when you have to be up early the next morning but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do! I really don't know what I'd do if my mum passed away tbh, I think I'd have a complete breakdown and I don't know if I'd ever really get over it. I think that's normal in terms of the funeral though, you were probably in shock for a little while but hopefully the ceremony at least gave you some closure. :'(

Well, I do it cos if I think about it I'll just get frustrated or annoyed or even anxious so I'm like no won't let that happen might as well make use of the time while I can't sleep, sometimes I even go watch TV and rug up on the lounge and I'll drift off there. Oh I know, I miss her everyday I was the closest too her out of 3 brothers and it's been the hardest on me even they know that, mothers day comes and they don't let me be alone they don't say why but they know it effects me terribly and she passed 2 days before her birthday so her death is on the 27th and her birthday is on the 29th of Jan and it was terrible last year, we still had a cake for her though and went out for dinner to celebrate her birthday. Yeah things effect me differently, like before the funeral I was on the ball organising everything, although for the week after she'd passed we had to go to our aunts cos it was so bad I couldn't sleep.

I'm so glad too everyones sharing there experiences or what they're going through like

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 said above it's like, therapy sort of knowing we're not alone and we're all dealing how we can but it's nice to know people are going through similar stuff. I'm here for all of you though <3 

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Oh god, tonight I felt fine! I was all good, and my brothers, partners Mum invited me over for dinner so I went there had dinner and holy shit anxiety! After dinner it just hit me severely, and cos I hadn’t driven I couldn’t just leave my brother picked me up on the way so I just breathed and took my anxiety meds they helped but I still was sort of going through it. 

I don’t know if it was my sugar levels (as I didn’t have my diabetic medication on me so they would have gotten higher) or whatever but I thought I’ll post on here and get it off my chest. I’m now just chilling out, watching Season 3 of RHONY. Feel better now, but I’m normally sweet at her house she’s super nice. 

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Hey bbe I just a msg away if u ever need to talk...

I too suffer from anxiety and depression and certain people on this site make me feel like shit etc which doesn't help but talking about it helps trust me <3 

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On 9/10/2017 at 2:01 AM, hounderawr said:

Well, I do it cos if I think about it I'll just get frustrated or annoyed or even anxious so I'm like no won't let that happen might as well make use of the time while I can't sleep, sometimes I even go watch TV and rug up on the lounge and I'll drift off there. Oh I know, I miss her everyday I was the closest too her out of 3 brothers and it's been the hardest on me even they know that, mothers day comes and they don't let me be alone they don't say why but they know it effects me terribly and she passed 2 days before her birthday so her death is on the 27th and her birthday is on the 29th of Jan and it was terrible last year, we still had a cake for her though and went out for dinner to celebrate her birthday. Yeah things effect me differently, like before the funeral I was on the ball organising everything, although for the week after she'd passed we had to go to our aunts cos it was so bad I couldn't sleep.

I'm so glad too everyones sharing there experiences or what they're going through like

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 said above it's like, therapy sort of knowing we're not alone and we're all dealing how we can but it's nice to know people are going through similar stuff. I'm here for all of you though <3 

That's so sweet that your family looks after you on Mother's Day. <3 It sounds like you have a really strong support network which is always the most important thing! January must be a hard month for you though, especially because so many people feel lonely on Christmas or New Year's. I'll keep you in my thoughts when it rolls around! <3

Sorry to hear about your anxiety at dinner though, I'm glad your family was there to look out for you. <3 

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Yeah I do, sometimes they slack but when it comes down to it my brothers are good to have around only cos they know it effects me a lot and they’ve both partners to lean on and I’ve got no one. 

Ohh I hate January, I’m not looking forward to Christmas this year either. I normally do which is so weird like it’s one of my favourite holidays, but I think I’m going to my Aunts this year which will be really nice, last year I just sort of tagged along and felt like a major 3rd wheel with my brother and his girlfriend and her family. 

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On 07/10/2017 at 6:35 PM, hounderawr said:

Yeah I do, sometimes they slack but when it comes down to it my brothers are good to have around only cos they know it effects me a lot and they’ve both partners to lean on and I’ve got no one. 

Ohh I hate January, I’m not looking forward to Christmas this year either. I normally do which is so weird like it’s one of my favourite holidays, but I think I’m going to my Aunts this year which will be really nice, last year I just sort of tagged along and felt like a major 3rd wheel with my brother and his girlfriend and her family. 

Awww, I feel you with that one sis. :'( I don't have anyone to lean on either sadly, I'm still waiting for my Mr Right. ;) I hope you have a good Christmas though, I'm sure if you put your mind to it you'll be able to enjoy it like you used to! :P Just put on some Mariah songs and drink some champagne and you'll be fine!

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