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So glad to see everyone have similar struggles and we can help each other through them, I love y'all <3 

Edited by Fetish
Didn't mean to imply that I'm glad that other people are struggling LMAO
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3 minutes ago, Countess said:

I'm glad I'm not the only one! <3 I actually used to do a weird thing where I would deprive myself of sleep by getting only like five or six hours a night, because then when I woke up the next morning I wouldn't be as sharp so interacting with other people wasn't as scary as normal. Completely unhealthy but it worked for a few weeks. :cackle: I love watching TV shows as well, The Golden Girls is my comforter. <3 

Nooo! I get it for a few hours, in fact I had it last week and instead of letting it get to me I'm like I'll watch some shows in bed, or go play a game like get my mind off of it. I know your not supposed to do that cos it keeps you up more or something but it works. Aw, I'm sorry that sucks that you did that to yourself <3 it makes sense though like I'd do it too but I get anxiety if I don't get enough sleep! I mean I don't drown in anxiety, but I get it and I've learned to sort of walk around it if that makes sense.

Ive never seen Golden Girls, mines Friends when I had 2-3 fits a few years ago it took me a month or 2 to get back to normal (this was medication based stuff and doctors not giving me right dosages) it was due to the some levels in my body needed to get back to normal ELECTROLIGHTS weren't right in my system and I'd had fits so that took a tole and thats when I started Friends and even my Mum got into it with me (she was such an amazing person, miss her everyday!)

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9 minutes ago, Fetish said:

So glad to see everyone have similar struggles and we can help each other through them, I love y'all <3 

Nooo, I agree I thought it was a good idea cos I know other people would have it too not just me and I know personally talking to other people who have it makes me feel better, so I thought it might help for other people.

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I'm glad someone brought this up. It's hard to have an open dialogue, so this is a good way for us all to connect on a different level.

If you think suicide is selfish, please read this: 

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This hit it on the nose for me and made me feel like someone really understood what I was feeling. I remember sitting in what was basically rehab, but for suicidal people and thinking that it was miserable living for other people. Thinking how hard it would be for my family or friends. My best friend, as I'm her only close friend. My sisters, not having someone to call when they got into a fight with our mom. It became such a heavy burden and something I had to deal with when I was there. I came to the realization that I needed to live for myself and not for others. That's really what I'm trying to get at. It's like getting into a relationship because you don't want to be alone. How can one live happily for and with others if there not at peace or happy with themselves (or their situation)?

So when I say, content with living, as of right now, as in I'm not having a manic or major depressive episode-I am fine. When a major depressed episode occurs, there's little I can do to control it, other than to check into the ER or take something and go to sleep. I forgot to say earlier that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder... which is a big factor in all this. Anyways, yeah. Trying to just offer some enlightenment to others. I have a couple friends in real life who really understand what I mean when I talk about this and I think it's because they can relate.

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53 minutes ago, Joe said:

I came to the realization that I needed to live for myself and not for others.

Oh I totally agree, I understand people just don't want to put up with life anymore. But life is worth living, regardless of how bad your situation is it it'll change for the better, yeah some shit sucks sometimes and then you run into problems whether it be money, or family or something but it'll always resolve itself somehow and maybe in ways you don't expect.

I just wouldn't have the guts to be suicidal, and not only that I love my brothers too much they're like my rocks we've always been close and gone through obstacles together and Dad is alive but isn't in the picture (hasn't been for 20 years) and Mum passed away last year (Who we were all very close with) from health issues and we were each others rocks, we stuck together and went though that too. So sometimes it's good to have a friend to go through things with, makes it easier and less hard on yourself.

Even as we were growing up my Mum remarried a horrible man (domestic abuse relationship towards my mum and us), and actually thats how my panic attacks started cos I bottled everything up instead of expressing it but I've learnt to express it slowly, not totally yet but slowly.

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8 hours ago, hounderawr said:

I loose sleep also! I've been prescribed sleeping stuff, but it makes me so groggy I'd rather go without sleep. I generally go super quiet, and when I've got it I'll go quiet and I do breathing ect I find a really good way to sort of ease myself out of anxiety/panic attacks is to watch funny shows, I love TV and watching telly and it's always my go to when I'm home not having anxiety sometimes I like to just watch a few movies or binge watch seasons of Friends, but when I have anxiety generally that calms me down too and being at home.

I've never had it in my dick, but it can sort of "manifest" itself in different people differently, I get very shaky and feel like I can't breathe.

Ok, I bolded the parts I wanted to mostly reply too. I feel so sorry that you went into a mental health clinic, when I get anxiety and I'm not sure if you or anyone else gets this but I'll think like "I'm going crazy" or "I've got something severely wrong with me" and I'll think that until it goes away, I have to talk myself out of it. I get that Mental Health Clinics can be quite good, but I've seen my mum go into 2 (she passed away last year, whole other story miss her dearly though) and it scares me, that would be my worst fear.

I'm sorry you feel like sometimes you feel suicidal, that's unfair and you shouldn't feel like that your life has a purpose just like everyone else <3 We're all here for one reason or another.

Thankyou your so sweet for putting that info there, I'll remember when I do need someone to talk too I feel like sometimes a person with a fresh perspective on things is always a good person to talk too.

I've never heard that saying, and thats such a crock of shit. I agree, fake it till you make it.

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Oh, I totally agree. It's selfish, and its the easy way out. There's a quote I once heard while watching a youtube video and it's a long the lines of "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", and I agree because even though life may suck now and again everyone has they're good days, everyone has they're fun days, even if its just at home watching movies and binging on junk food or going out partying, or hanging out with family or friends - yeah sure everyone has a crap work day, just a shit day in general but it'll never stay. It'll always be fixed up. Example, I woke up today and found out my water heater was leaking I thought why is this fucking happening to me, it's now being fixed in the next 24 hours and I can go to my brothers for a shower. (not the best of examples but..it's one I had just this morning)

I agree there too, everyone knows I'm gay and I'm a bit more feminine not totally but maybe in my mannerisms or whatever, my family loves and accepts me too I've no issues there but I always feel like as

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 said like there's so many homophobes, and Australia is about to rule a vote for gay marriage or not and you just see all these people who still don't accept it, and it's like get over it it's 2017 its not like gays are going to be fucking in the middle of the street if it gets passed, gay relationships already exist we just want the legal part of it. I'm overcoming it slowly, I just bite the bullet cos at the end of the day I know I've friends and family who support me.

I know this thread is a bit deep or whatever, and I don't know if anyones made a thread like this before but I'm glad I did cos I feel like we can all talk about our stuff without sort of judgement and people understanding where it comes from, people who've been through the same sort of stuff. I'm generally ok, for now I'm medicated a lot of the times, and when I have a panic attack when I'm out and about I generally have to leave or go somewhere quiet, I've had days where I've just been on edge for no reason, and days where I've been on edge for a reason I know of, I've even had panic attacks in the middle of class and had to step out, and while I was driving (god that was awful) and I was an hour away from home and had to push through as I had no-one else that could drive, I do push through sometimes and it does help but it takes a lot of energy to do so. I truely believe meditation helps, medication does too but essentially thats a bandaid to fix an underlying problem.

Sorry for the long post, and being a therapist. But I'm here if anyone wants to talk too, I'm generally hounderawr on most places. ok, I'm done now <3 

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You are one of my favorite new members. I am so happy you are better now :sassy:

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9 hours ago, Fetish said:

So glad to see everyone have similar struggles and we can help each other through them, I love y'all <3 

I love you right back boo! :yaskween::yaskween::yaskween: 

9 hours ago, hounderawr said:

Nooo! I get it for a few hours, in fact I had it last week and instead of letting it get to me I'm like I'll watch some shows in bed, or go play a game like get my mind off of it. I know your not supposed to do that cos it keeps you up more or something but it works. Aw, I'm sorry that sucks that you did that to yourself <3 it makes sense though like I'd do it too but I get anxiety if I don't get enough sleep! I mean I don't drown in anxiety, but I get it and I've learned to sort of walk around it if that makes sense.

Ive never seen Golden Girls, mines Friends when I had 2-3 fits a few years ago it took me a month or 2 to get back to normal (this was medication based stuff and doctors not giving me right dosages) it was due to the some levels in my body needed to get back to normal ELECTROLIGHTS weren't right in my system and I'd had fits so that took a tole and thats when I started Friends and even my Mum got into it with me (she was such an amazing person, miss her everyday!)

Ahh yeah, that's a good thing to do. I normally just lie there and then get frustrated when I realise I'm not going to sleep so and watch YouTube videos in the dark on my phone. :stretcher: But it's annoying cos you kinda think if you keep lying there eventually you'll get to sleep and you never do!

That sucks so bad about the doctors giving you the wrong thing, but I guess it's all trial and error right? :/ And I'm so sorry to hear that your mum's passed, my poor darling! :( I don't know what I'd do without mine. May she rest in peace. <3 

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Anxiety is a bitch man. Mine started more from stress/bad GERD triggering it, but it's gotten to an obsessive state of worry over my health. I went from zero to 100 real quick out of nowhere at the beginning of the month, hadn't had attacks in years. Everything is setting me off, health wise mainly like overthinking what this pain or that feeling is. Been to the ER 3 times this month, started seeing a regular dr. Currently am on Protonix and Carafate for my reflux, Zoloft and Buspar for anxiety, and blood pressure meds twice a day. It's scary as shit. They have done EKGs every time, checked my blood, heart rate/sound etc, everything short of going to a cardiologist (which they wanted me to last time I was at the ER) but they have told me my heart sounds fine. I had all this happen in 2011 and hadn't had it since. The worst part for me right now is they didn't/wouldn't give me anything for immediate relief from my attacks, as they're bad attacks. The Zoloft and Buspar, hell even the BP meds too but not as much, are going to take around 2 weeks to get in my system and really make a difference.
I try to tell myself i'm okay and that i'm not having a heart attack but it's hard to convince yourself when you feel that way. Even right now my jaws are hurting, which I made the mistake and read that could be a sign for a heart attack last week and it just amplified my fear, but my LOGICAL guess is that it's from almost having an attack this morning, lack of good sleep since my body is adjusting to these meds, and probably tensing up too much. I was perfectly fine yesterday, BP was low and HR was normal which was so weird after 2 weeks of hell, then it just hit me. I've seen that a lot of people apparently take BP meds that have severe anxiety so that helps me feel a little calmer but just in general anything to do with my chest area/heart completely and utterly freaks me out.

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9 hours ago, Tweener said:

You are one of my favorite new members. I am so happy you are better now :sassy:

aw that's so sweet. <3 You're one of mine too! 

I'm getting there everyday, everyday I work on it! I'm working on exercising everyday now it helps! That and I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about 3 weeks ago :( 

6 hours ago, Countess said:

Ahh yeah, that's a good thing to do. I normally just lie there and then get frustrated when I realise I'm not going to sleep so and watch YouTube videos in the dark on my phone. :stretcher: But it's annoying cos you kinda think if you keep lying there eventually you'll get to sleep and you never do!

That sucks so bad about the doctors giving you the wrong thing, but I guess it's all trial and error right? :/ And I'm so sorry to hear that your mum's passed, my poor darling! :( I don't know what I'd do without mine. May she rest in peace. <3 

Aw, I used to do that actually! I used to get frustrated the same way, now im like yeah I'm not sleeping so I'll grab my laptop or just get out of bed and go play games (get those levels up!)

Yeah, that did it's sorted now my Mum made sure of that she abused them. Yeah, and I'm better for it although sometimes when I get bad panic attacks I'll think like I'll collapse or fit again but I gotta talk myself out of that shit cos I know it won't happen.

Yeah, I was devastated when my mum passed and I essentially was the one to organise her funeral. My brothers helped but I did majority of the work, turned out beautiful but of course I'd give up everything to have her back, miss her so much. I didn't have anxiety or anything while I was fixing my mums funeral or during, it hit me the day after!

4 hours ago, eyb0ss said:

Anxiety is a bitch man. Mine started more from stress/bad GERD triggering it, but it's gotten to an obsessive state of worry over my health. I went from zero to 100 real quick out of nowhere at the beginning of the month, hadn't had attacks in years. Everything is setting me off, health wise mainly like overthinking what this pain or that feeling is. Been to the ER 3 times this month, started seeing a regular dr. Currently am on Protonix and Carafate for my reflux, Zoloft and Buspar for anxiety, and blood pressure meds twice a day. It's scary as shit. They have done EKGs every time, checked my blood, heart rate/sound etc, everything short of going to a cardiologist (which they wanted me to last time I was at the ER) but they have told me my heart sounds fine. I had all this happen in 2011 and hadn't had it since. The worst part for me right now is they didn't/wouldn't give me anything for immediate relief from my attacks, as they're bad attacks. The Zoloft and Buspar, hell even the BP meds too but not as much, are going to take around 2 weeks to get in my system and really make a difference.
I try to tell myself i'm okay and that i'm not having a heart attack but it's hard to convince yourself when you feel that way. Even right now my jaws are hurting, which I made the mistake and read that could be a sign for a heart attack last week and it just amplified my fear, but my LOGICAL guess is that it's from almost having an attack this morning, lack of good sleep since my body is adjusting to these meds, and probably tensing up too much. I was perfectly fine yesterday, BP was low and HR was normal which was so weird after 2 weeks of hell, then it just hit me. I've seen that a lot of people apparently take BP meds that have severe anxiety so that helps me feel a little calmer but just in general anything to do with my chest area/heart completely and utterly freaks me out.

Oh yeah I know, whats GERD? You should look into doing like, mediation and things I know it sounds stupid but it does help even just in a relaxing environment. I had to go to the Drs last week, and I got soo much anxiety I had to tell the doctor I was severely anxious ect and he understood and told me my blood pressure was good (he actually prescribed me blood pressure pills but apparently they work with anxiety too, I don't like taking them though and they're more "as needed") but my heart rate was high (obviously) and he said that was a good thing cos you can't collapse with a high blood pressure/heartrate. I've had EKG's and things done to me in the past, even ambulances called I've been exactly where you are now you'll get through it, I promise you.

Oh yeah, it's sooo hard to convince yourself when you're like that I agree it's doable but it takes a lot of bloody energy and just calming down, why don't you ask your doctor is there other alternatives to those BP meds? Like a Beta Blocker? That helps stop the physical symptoms of a panic attack which can help with the mental part.

It sounds like you need some relief, I'm on Valium and Zoloft they both help me so much combined but I'm slowly coming off the valium cos I need to sort of learn to deal with it, without using medication so maybe thats what the doctors are tying to do with you? The doctors don't like me taking it as I'm "young" (26).

I know some of the stuff I mentioned is easier said then done, trust me I know it all! My nan used to help me (she's now passed too), and I used to think just fuck off you don't know what I'm going through but she did and I keep her advice to this day.

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 I'll try to type a reply soon, i'm a little out of it rn my BP bottomed out earlier and I had a panic attack on top of it so it went down and skyrocketed. But i'm hoping that counseling will help me out soon because I feel like i'm going completely crazy right now and can't take much more.

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11 hours ago, eyb0ss said:

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 I'll try to type a reply soon, i'm a little out of it rn my BP bottomed out earlier and I had a panic attack on top of it so it went down and skyrocketed. But i'm hoping that counseling will help me out soon because I feel like i'm going completely crazy right now and can't take much more.

aw I hope you feel better <3 it's all good I know how it is sometimes you just need to totally chill..why is your bp going low? 

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I deal with panic attacks since I was 13 years old, I've been taking some pills about almost 10 years from now (diazepam for panic attacks and cipralex for depression), there was a time I couldn't even leave my house because of the fear of having a panic attack and that caused me serious depression, I was medicated to depression too but I finally stopped this year, I'm also trying to stay out of the panic attack medication, I just take one pill in sos :)

thing is: it's all in your mind, of course the pills will help you, but if you can control it it's even better, it was hard for me for being 'clean' after 10 years of diazepam, first weeks were rough but right now I'm totally fine, today I had to the center of my city and I took a train, I was "exposed" in the middle of lots of people, If that happend like 5 years ago I'm pretty sure I would have a panic attack even with the medication, I had a diazepam in my pocket just in case but I tried to get my mind distracted and It worked well (I'm sorry if this sounds dumb to you guys but It's been my life lately :stretcher:)

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1 hour ago, Obsessed said:

I deal with panic attacks since I was 13 years old, I've been taking some pills about almost 10 years from now (diazepam for panic attacks and cipralex for depression), there was a time I couldn't even leave my house because of the fear of having a panic attack and that caused me serious depression, I was medicated to depression too but I finally stopped this year, I'm also trying to stay out of the panic attack medication, I just take one pill in sos :)

thing is: it's all in your mind, of course the pills will help you, but if you can control it it's even better, it was hard for me for being 'clean' after 10 years of diazepam, first weeks were rough but right now I'm totally fine, today I had to the center of my city and I took a train, I was "exposed" in the middle of lots of people, If that happend like 5 years ago I'm pretty sure I would have a panic attack even with the medication, I had a diazepam in my pocket just in case but I tried to get my mind distracted and It worked well (I'm sorry if this sounds dumb to you guys but It's been my life lately :stretcher:)

Oh I had the same thing! I've had a period where I felt like I couldn't leave the house cos it'd just bring on a panic attack, and the tiniest bit of issues would make me anxious. I remember actually, I was getting my first iPhone (or an updated one..) and I had to go into a shopping centre and I just remember feeling terrible but I pushed myself cos I knew once I was done I'd have a new phone! Things like that help me too (even if it's not a phone just something simple, I just distinctly remember that experience cos that was when I learnt I could do it). I do carry Valium with me, I don't always use it though but I do carry it when I go out and leave it in the car or whatever.

Its doable, sometimes you may need to push yourself, sometimes you can't and you crash down and have to chill out and come down from it - like just escape from whatever your doing and go to your "safe place" (mines at my house or either of my brothers - I live alone now) and just chill and watch telly, yours may be music, playing games or something different! Just remember we'll have our good and bad times, even when we're on a good run we'll have a bad time and the opposite.

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16 minutes ago, hounderawr said:

Oh I had the same thing! I've had a period where I felt like I couldn't leave the house cos it'd just bring on a panic attack, and the tiniest bit of issues would make me anxious. I remember actually, I was getting my first iPhone (or an updated one..) and I had to go into a shopping centre and I just remember feeling terrible but I pushed myself cos I knew once I was done I'd have a new phone! Things like that help me too (even if it's not a phone just something simple, I just distinctly remember that experience cos that was when I learnt I could do it). I do carry Valium with me, I don't always use it though but I do carry it when I go out and leave it in the car or whatever.

Its doable, sometimes you may need to push yourself, sometimes you can't and you crash down and have to chill out and come down from it - like just escape from whatever your doing and go to your "safe place" (mines at my house or either of my brothers - I live alone now) and just chill and watch telly, yours may be music, playing games or something different! Just remember we'll have our good and bad times, even when we're on a good run we'll have a bad time and the opposite.

Yeah, just like that, just being out of my 'comfort zone' makes me anxious It really sucks. :/ But as long as we are strong to deal with them...

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